I am about to write a very long, and controversial Blogpost. It's an anti-Halloween blogpost... Why an anti-halloween blogpost?
Well to start things off, I want to say I fucking hate Halloween. It's the worst "Holiday" of the year. It used to be cool back in the day, but now you know what it's turned into? A-Show-off-you're-annoying-2-year-old-to-everyone-without-trying-to-parent-the-damn-kid-BS Holiday. We went through another Halloween this year, and it seems like 90% of the 50-60 trickertreeters we got were toddlers trickertreating with their crappy excuses for parents. Why am I calling these parents crappy?
Well you don't need to be a rocket scientist to know that young kids should not be out tricker-treating. 2 year olds? 3 year olds? TOO FUCKING YOUNG! The first kid I handed out candy to ran right into our hallway and didn't have the courtesy to stay on the porch, you know why? His damn parent didn't give a crap that he did that because she was ignoring him like crazy... Ignoring the fact that he could simply run into the house and wreck our electronics.... No fucking manners.
Bad parenting surrounds crappy trickertreating familes like crazy... To understand this you have to understand that our house has two staircases leading up to the front porch, one made out of stone and one made out of wood. Every damn parent who lets their kids tricker-treat, always stays down BELOW the first staircase, the lower one, and lets the damn 3 year olds run up without supervision. A few didn't do this but a lot did. The damn toddlers I dealt with, weren't even being WATCHED by their parents. If they ran in (and there was NOTHING to stop them from doing so), the parents would not be able to run into the house fast enough...
I have tons of electronics in the house that cannot be touched by a 3 year old. A very expensive Camera, a very important computer, and a very important set of backups. We got LUCKY tonight, no kids ran into the house, but a few years ago that wasn't the case. Some damn kid walked up the stairs without supervision and ran right in because the parent was stupid enough to not walk with them!
Number 1: No toddlers should be trickertreating. I don't give a shit how "CUTE" they are. They wreck crap, bite people sometimes, and throw fits. They cannot behave like adults, parents should know this and refuse to take them out till they become age 7 at least. My friends kid kept on throwing crap everywhere till he was age 6 and he didn't do much about it. What's up with lazy parenting and destructive Toddlers these days?
Number 2 : Toddlers are not "Cute" or "Innocent". They are "Destructive" and "annoying"! One thrown pillow would have wrecked my PC. Hell at age 2, my friends kid almost sent us to the hospital on christmas eve when he kept crawling UNDER the glass table in our living room and kicked the glass surface over and over again. Know what his parents did? Nothing. After 2 minutes of this my friend agreed but refused to pull the kid out before we got sent to the hospital. Kids break crap and if you are going to send them trick-er-treating, at least FUCKING SUPERVISE them!
I am not saying where we live, but I know very well, that the familes here are idiots. Parenting comes first, not your god damn cute kids costume, not his candy, not this crap. Do your fucking jobs on halloween parents, before there is a lawsuit!
Tuesday, October 31, 2017
Saturday, July 22, 2017
Everyone who is trashing the new Wintersun Cd "The Forest Seasons" has their head up their ass!
A) Stupid sites bashing Wintersun : angrymetalguy.com, metalinjection.com, metal-archives.com,
heavyblogisheavy.com,sputnikmusic.com,
There are apparently tons of stupid idiot fake bullshit spewing critics trashing the new Wintersun album on any and every "review" "platform" out there... All of them complete losers and assholes. While this has always been a problem with the "metal community" turds, it has spiraled out of control with the forest seasons, to the point that this brilliant Black Metal album is being trashed, just like Windir's brilliant stuff....
The album is maybe the best black metal album recorded since Windirs Arntor, and everyone is calling it complete crap, especially on sites like Metal-archives, sputnickmusic, rateyourmusic.com, and many supposed "metal" blogs that really aren't that but a bunch of production nazi fucktardery websites.... Sites such as angrymetalguy.com, metalinjection.net, heavyblogisheavy.com and others are all spewing out shit reviews of this brilliant cd and it pisses me the fuck off... It's a masterpeice of awesomeness and it needs to be deserved as that!
The sites in question do the following:
B) They all whine about the drum sound
For fucks sake the drum sound isn't THAT bad...I've heard worse.... They certainly don't sound "plasticy" to me!
C) They all whine about how it is badly composed
Bullshit... I don't know where they are pulling this out of their ass from, it's composed fine...
Hell it has elements of Windir in it for god's sake, listen to track 1 an 3 and you will hear them! It's the first album to capture the Windir sound since Windir broke up and they are all calling this crap? Fuck them!
D) They all whine that the album has no good points at all (A LIE)
See above. Amazing melodies, technical drumming, time changes, emotion thrown in, epic keyboards and every song sounds different, black metal riffs being used by Wintersun, atmospheric production, modern metal riffs being used, etc...
E) They all whine about how BADLY it is mixed when it isn't mixed bad at all...
It's not badly mixed for black metal. Listen to arntor. That makes this sound good. This is actually quite tolerable for a black metal cd and I am no production Nazi, I listen to black metal all the fucking time... When production Nazi's start bashing an album because it is "WAAAAAA Mixed bad!" than you know they are a bunch of fucking idiots... It's mixed like an atmospheric black metal cd where guitars are pushed back in the mix and keyboards are emphasized, just like summoning, Caladan brood, etc... That's not shitty production, that's Brilliant production.. That makes wintersun Better, not worse!
F) They all whine about how it isn't "Complex at all, filled with crazy guitar work, etc"
Well it isn't but fuck them, it doesn't need complex guitar work to be good! Is all good music super complex? Hell no. In fact some of the worst metal bands out there overuse the complexity thing for the sake of it and aren't that good. The people who whine about this shit are braindead fucks who value heaviness and complexity over everything else that actually matters FAR more like atmosphere, which the cd EXCELS at!!
G) And they all whine about long song lengths when that is a good thing!
Wintersun is trying to mix in Atmospheric black metal into their sound. Long song lengths and repetitive structures are part of atmospheric black metal.... That's not a bad thing, that's a good thing. To sound like atmospheric black metal you have to be long, song length wise, it's part of the sound summoning created... To whine about this is fucking stupid...
One stupid idiot posting on one of these sites even said something along the lines of:
"I can't believe how Jari keeps on releasing this trash, and I can't beleive that people defend him because they're fucking fanboys!" How many idiots are like this on the internet but there are tons of Wintersun haters all over sites like metalsucks and shit like that. And they all piss me off. This pssies me off more. The forest seasons to me is the album of the year, it doesn't need these shitty reviews by stupid idiots who are too blind to see the brilliance of it....
I have listened to it at least 5 times now in 2 days. I can't get enough of it... I was not expecting it to be bad when I saw the forest package documentary on WintersunJari's channel but the sheer amazingness of the the atmobm elements and sognametal styled elements seen in tracks 1 an 3 were a complete surprise to me. I didn't expect anyone to add elements of this kind of music into folk metal again, I thought it died with Windir.... I guess It didn't... I certainly didn't expect The forest seasons to incorporate Windir-esque melodies and keyboards..... But that's why I love this cd even more than I thought I would... But the idiots all disagree because they are just that, idiots...
Friday, April 21, 2017
Fuck Social Security and Registry of Motor Vehicles! FUCK YOU!
Late last month something stupid happened. Incredibly Stupid. Some stupid lawyer forced my parents to do some kind of Bank Transaction, where they could assign us (me and my siblings) as beneficiaries in case something happened to them. While I see nothing wrong with that, what I do see wrong, is forcing ME to go through stupid crap with the Social Security system.
See the lawyer basically told them they need all of our social security numbers and had to have me signed online with social security. Well that was inconvenient as hell then because I was doing work on a fucking documentary for my bands (which takes days of work) and having me to do this is just wrong. But I put up with it...
Till the Social Security site kept on telling me "we cannot make an account for that social security number" and FAILED to tell me EXACTLY HOW to enter the number in the site in the first place. Soon I was Locked out of social security's website. We tried to call them but they put us on a 45 minute wait.... So we decided to go to their nearest branch office to talk to them. Which was a nightmare..
Number 1, we had to do it EARLY in the morning (I had to get up at 8:30 Am - way to early for me I am used to getting up at 1 PM, trying to get up that early makes me LOSE an ENTIRE NIGHT OF SLEEP 90% of the time.
Number 2, the clerk tried to sign me up with social security but whined about how my ID was expired. By the time we tried to get it redone it was too late, the group doing it said that we would not be able to fix it if it was expired by more than 1 year. Which lead us to going to the registry.
So I now had to do the 8:30 BS AGAIN!
But even worse we had to deal with conplete BS the registry kept throwing at us... Our registry is the crappiest excuse for a Business ever. First of all, they make you wait 1 1/2 hours just to get a chance to talk to someone, and they make you wait on the FUCKING MOST UNCOMFORTABLE CHAIRS EVER! These are wooden benches and they practically ruin your back. NO padding, nothing!
But while I was there I had to deal with two fucking bullshit issues...
Number 1, I started to develop a Bowel Problem while there, where I kept on getting the feeling I had to take a crap, but when I tried to crap, all I got was gas. And this kept on happening every minute, and I also got a problem where I had to hold in piss as well because I had to go. Add to that the following Bullshit problems and you see why I HATE the registry where I live.
The place was FILLED with TONS of people and always is. And no one respected the fact I needed space because I am claustrophobic and kept on pushing me into a corner. I need the space you fucking turds. One person tried to ask me a question which I was not familiar with and expected me to hear it even though THEY WERE FUCKING WHISPERING. Another fucking idiot (C)RapTard/Black Couple tried to push me into a tiny space not respecting my claustrophobia problem. The place sucked. And when I finally got a bathroom to use, some bitch whined about me being ABLE TO USE ONE IN THE FIRST PLACE. FUCK OFF BITCH!
My rage about this incident is not helped by the fact that I had to go BACK to Social security (AGAIN at 8:30 AM) and at least this time it was easy to deal with, but... FUCK THEM AND THE REGISTRY!
See the lawyer basically told them they need all of our social security numbers and had to have me signed online with social security. Well that was inconvenient as hell then because I was doing work on a fucking documentary for my bands (which takes days of work) and having me to do this is just wrong. But I put up with it...
Till the Social Security site kept on telling me "we cannot make an account for that social security number" and FAILED to tell me EXACTLY HOW to enter the number in the site in the first place. Soon I was Locked out of social security's website. We tried to call them but they put us on a 45 minute wait.... So we decided to go to their nearest branch office to talk to them. Which was a nightmare..
Number 1, we had to do it EARLY in the morning (I had to get up at 8:30 Am - way to early for me I am used to getting up at 1 PM, trying to get up that early makes me LOSE an ENTIRE NIGHT OF SLEEP 90% of the time.
Number 2, the clerk tried to sign me up with social security but whined about how my ID was expired. By the time we tried to get it redone it was too late, the group doing it said that we would not be able to fix it if it was expired by more than 1 year. Which lead us to going to the registry.
So I now had to do the 8:30 BS AGAIN!
But even worse we had to deal with conplete BS the registry kept throwing at us... Our registry is the crappiest excuse for a Business ever. First of all, they make you wait 1 1/2 hours just to get a chance to talk to someone, and they make you wait on the FUCKING MOST UNCOMFORTABLE CHAIRS EVER! These are wooden benches and they practically ruin your back. NO padding, nothing!
But while I was there I had to deal with two fucking bullshit issues...
Number 1, I started to develop a Bowel Problem while there, where I kept on getting the feeling I had to take a crap, but when I tried to crap, all I got was gas. And this kept on happening every minute, and I also got a problem where I had to hold in piss as well because I had to go. Add to that the following Bullshit problems and you see why I HATE the registry where I live.
The place was FILLED with TONS of people and always is. And no one respected the fact I needed space because I am claustrophobic and kept on pushing me into a corner. I need the space you fucking turds. One person tried to ask me a question which I was not familiar with and expected me to hear it even though THEY WERE FUCKING WHISPERING. Another fucking idiot (C)RapTard/Black Couple tried to push me into a tiny space not respecting my claustrophobia problem. The place sucked. And when I finally got a bathroom to use, some bitch whined about me being ABLE TO USE ONE IN THE FIRST PLACE. FUCK OFF BITCH!
My rage about this incident is not helped by the fact that I had to go BACK to Social security (AGAIN at 8:30 AM) and at least this time it was easy to deal with, but... FUCK THEM AND THE REGISTRY!
Sunday, September 4, 2016
Stupid Fake Music Review Site bashes Great Metal Artists with tons of shitty Critical Reviews...
So I was searching for Australian metal Bands when I came across a list
of Australian bands. The list was posted on a rather bad site for metal.
The site is rateyourmusic.com. The site is a crowd review site and one that sucks. It is filled with idiots who write bad reviews by the hundreds for awesome cd's... There are tons of idiot trolls giving good metal bands cd's shitty reviews there... Underground bands such as Windir (my favorite folk/metal hybrid band), Valtari and Be'lakor (two underground Australian melodeth bands). Part of the purpose of this post is to expose these trolls as the idiots they are. On the site there are tons of shitty reviews written by trolls for every artist. Not a single artist cd's get's any higher than a 3.7 out of 5 due to this. A perfect album gets a 3.5 due to all the shitty idiots giving it 2 and 1 star reviews. They factor into the reviews so much that nothing can get a good review there, no matter how good it is.
Checking the "reviews" Of At the Gates's Slaughter of the Soul CD. In the first 10 pages of reviews there were 13 2 and 1 star reviews alone. All were written by trolls who hate melodic death metal because they are idiots. One of The Trolls who bashed Be'lakor's awesome music (which I just got into on spotify), simply wrote a 1 star review claiming it was crappy "generic melodeath", which it isn't... It's progressive doom metal inspired melodeath. Imagine a mix of amon amarth/dark tranquillity with elements of opeth, insomnium and other bands thrown in. That's what Be'lakor sounds like. They write fantastic music and yet they score a crappy 2.5 out of 5 on the site by all the stupid melodeth haters... Someone else whined that Be'lakor wasn't progressive and also whined that the only progressive elements are piano's which isn't the case. I came across tons of time and tempo changes and softer passages as well as long song lengths and concept albums too... Fuck him. But what really pisses me off is the one idiot on the site who abuses the stupid site's ridiculously stupid rules to write shitty reviews that take apart everything about an artist to bash it for stupid reasons...
Enter "RustedIdiot".
RustedIdiot is a moron who bashed Valtari's Awesome 1 man band melodeth project by whining about it's production and said none of the songs were anything but generic melodeth. Think that is bad? Well It gets worse... Because he ripped my favorite folk/viking metal band to shreds. Yes That is Windir.
Windir wrote Blackened folk metal with very dark haunted melodies and keyboard passages. They started as a 1 man band ran by a guy from norway who called himself Valfar before he Died... They based the folk aspect of their music on melodies from Norwegian hymns. These are dark accordian based melodies that sound absolutely nothing like all the other folk music heard in folk metal (which is usually happy or cheesy in some way). These melodies sound dark and sinister.
Windir's music was so far removed from black metal AND folk Metal alike that it needs a new subgenre to represent it's awesome dark sound. The band created that subgenre "Sognametal". It's in the void between black metal and folk metal but isn't either one of those really.
That didn't stop the fucking idiot RustedIdiot for bashing Windir for the following stupid reasons:
-"Faux Aggression"
-Use of an admittedly awesome Arpeggio Riff
-Folk Melodies being used (claiming even the darker folk melodies windir used are cheezy and crappy)
-Claimed every song sucked and every song gets worse than the previous one on the windir cd "1184" (complete BS, The Final Song is the best one, I enjoyed them all, fuck him!)
RustedIdiot is very similar to a fucking idiot on youtube named DWTerminator. He is similar in so many ways that I think they are the same person but I cannot prove it without some real evidence (which as a person without IP address info I cannot do sadly).
They both do the following things:
-Trash bands/video games (in dwterminator's case) by writing stupid overcritical reviews.
-Use a scale where every level of quality ("good", "excellent", "bad") has a lower number than it normally should, for example they both give good albums/games a 2.5. This is done to piss of people who like a certain artist by giving them a lower score than you would expect. Because 2.5 would be bad on most people's eyes.
-They both harass and call fans of the stuff they are "reviewing" idiots to piss them off. Dwterminator did this in a Skyrim review, RustedIdiot did this in a review of a Windir Cd I liked. (I forgot which one).
I looked at all the reviews RustedTurdburglar give 4 and 5 star reviews and found out he is a "true norwiegan black metal" and "brutal" death metal nut. People like this bash anything that has melodies because it's not "BR00TAL!". They fucking suck. Good music needs melody to be good. Just because it has melody does not mean it's cheesy. This guy took the best damn sounding folk/metal mix in metal (the least cheesy of them all!) and bashed it for being cheesy. He is a fucking turdburglar.
This is what happens when idiots who make stupid crowd-reviewed sites like rateyourmusic.com allow absolutely anything and everything in a review, and don't punish reviews for stupid shit like this.
Do NOT use sites like this to judge music. I'd rather use encyclopedia metallium's reviews (with their tons of fanboys giving bands 100% reviews) and stupid bad reviews ruining albums reception over a site that allows tons of stupid critics to post reviews bashing a cd for stupid fucking reasons muddling the score so bad because 30% of the reviews are 1 star reviews by stupid "BR00TAL is best assholes".
Fuck them!
Checking the "reviews" Of At the Gates's Slaughter of the Soul CD. In the first 10 pages of reviews there were 13 2 and 1 star reviews alone. All were written by trolls who hate melodic death metal because they are idiots. One of The Trolls who bashed Be'lakor's awesome music (which I just got into on spotify), simply wrote a 1 star review claiming it was crappy "generic melodeath", which it isn't... It's progressive doom metal inspired melodeath. Imagine a mix of amon amarth/dark tranquillity with elements of opeth, insomnium and other bands thrown in. That's what Be'lakor sounds like. They write fantastic music and yet they score a crappy 2.5 out of 5 on the site by all the stupid melodeth haters... Someone else whined that Be'lakor wasn't progressive and also whined that the only progressive elements are piano's which isn't the case. I came across tons of time and tempo changes and softer passages as well as long song lengths and concept albums too... Fuck him. But what really pisses me off is the one idiot on the site who abuses the stupid site's ridiculously stupid rules to write shitty reviews that take apart everything about an artist to bash it for stupid reasons...
Enter "RustedIdiot".
RustedIdiot is a moron who bashed Valtari's Awesome 1 man band melodeth project by whining about it's production and said none of the songs were anything but generic melodeth. Think that is bad? Well It gets worse... Because he ripped my favorite folk/viking metal band to shreds. Yes That is Windir.
Windir wrote Blackened folk metal with very dark haunted melodies and keyboard passages. They started as a 1 man band ran by a guy from norway who called himself Valfar before he Died... They based the folk aspect of their music on melodies from Norwegian hymns. These are dark accordian based melodies that sound absolutely nothing like all the other folk music heard in folk metal (which is usually happy or cheesy in some way). These melodies sound dark and sinister.
Windir's music was so far removed from black metal AND folk Metal alike that it needs a new subgenre to represent it's awesome dark sound. The band created that subgenre "Sognametal". It's in the void between black metal and folk metal but isn't either one of those really.
That didn't stop the fucking idiot RustedIdiot for bashing Windir for the following stupid reasons:
-"Faux Aggression"
-Use of an admittedly awesome Arpeggio Riff
-Folk Melodies being used (claiming even the darker folk melodies windir used are cheezy and crappy)
-Claimed every song sucked and every song gets worse than the previous one on the windir cd "1184" (complete BS, The Final Song is the best one, I enjoyed them all, fuck him!)
RustedIdiot is very similar to a fucking idiot on youtube named DWTerminator. He is similar in so many ways that I think they are the same person but I cannot prove it without some real evidence (which as a person without IP address info I cannot do sadly).
They both do the following things:
-Trash bands/video games (in dwterminator's case) by writing stupid overcritical reviews.
-Use a scale where every level of quality ("good", "excellent", "bad") has a lower number than it normally should, for example they both give good albums/games a 2.5. This is done to piss of people who like a certain artist by giving them a lower score than you would expect. Because 2.5 would be bad on most people's eyes.
-They both harass and call fans of the stuff they are "reviewing" idiots to piss them off. Dwterminator did this in a Skyrim review, RustedIdiot did this in a review of a Windir Cd I liked. (I forgot which one).
I looked at all the reviews RustedTurdburglar give 4 and 5 star reviews and found out he is a "true norwiegan black metal" and "brutal" death metal nut. People like this bash anything that has melodies because it's not "BR00TAL!". They fucking suck. Good music needs melody to be good. Just because it has melody does not mean it's cheesy. This guy took the best damn sounding folk/metal mix in metal (the least cheesy of them all!) and bashed it for being cheesy. He is a fucking turdburglar.
This is what happens when idiots who make stupid crowd-reviewed sites like rateyourmusic.com allow absolutely anything and everything in a review, and don't punish reviews for stupid shit like this.
Do NOT use sites like this to judge music. I'd rather use encyclopedia metallium's reviews (with their tons of fanboys giving bands 100% reviews) and stupid bad reviews ruining albums reception over a site that allows tons of stupid critics to post reviews bashing a cd for stupid fucking reasons muddling the score so bad because 30% of the reviews are 1 star reviews by stupid "BR00TAL is best assholes".
Fuck them!
Thursday, August 18, 2016
Karl Spracklen Trashes Folk Metal like the Stupid Idiot he is
Ok... Lets get to the intro to this long post. I am a folk metal fan. A Huge one... I was a metalhead for a long time, and abandoned folk metal because I thought it all sounded like skyclad. I was wrong. Ensiferum turned me on to EXTREME Folk metal a few years ago. I can't stop listening to this stuff. Since then I have gotten into Wintersun, Korpiklaani, Finntroll, Tyr, Eluveitie, Cruachan, Amorphis, Mithotyn, Windir, Manegarm, Suidakra, Equillibrium, Moonsorrow, Melechesh, Falkenbach, and Wuthering Heights. I absolutely love the combination of extreme metal with folk music. Especially if it's dark evil folk music or exotic folk music like middle eastern, finnish, oriental, or dark norweigan folk seen in windir (especially)...
So when I hear some fucking stupid SJW trashing ALL folk metal for being Racist (because it's all viking metal to them, when it isn't...) I get pissed off to the extreme. Karl Spracklin is a fucking tool. He is shitting on the most musically diverse kind of metal out there! NOTHING is close to how unique folk metal sounds. One band will sound drastically different from others and I love that. Apparently Spracklin doesn't like that at all. All because of a few Viking metal bands. Well Fuck him because Viking Metal Kicks ass!
Viking Metal and Nazi's don't have a connection. Nazi's latch on to pagan bands all the time. It's not the band's fault that this happens. They just like talking about history of their people. The thing is that all the viking metal bands are from Scandanavia. Why would they not write about the viking age. Vikings play a huge role in the history of those countries. And before Christians attempted to brainwash vikings by force in Norway, vikings were the only history they had. Why would they embrace something they view as a foreign influence (Christianity) over something that was their own? They wouldn't. It doesn't matter how "White" their Ancestors are, they will still reference their heritage. That's the point of Folk Music. To Embrace folklore from your area. They have no other folklore in Sweden and Norway but viking folklore.
What this stupid author doesn't realize is that not ALL folk metal bands are viking metal bands. Sprackling is trying to make them all look like viking metal. Viking metal is a type of folk metal but it does not encompass all folk metal. In fact about 50% of folk metal is NOT viking metal. Some of these non viking metal bands get labelled as viking metal bands but in reality they are not. I will get into this later.
But what really pissed me off is the fact that this idiot sprackling tried to trash the 5 most popular folk metal bands with stupid BS excuses. The Author trashes every single one of these bands for not being folk at all, complains about the lack of non white and non male band members in all of these bands, tries to say Eluveitie doesn't use Swiss/Gaulish folk instruments (HELLO! I know the difference between and rips of Irish folk ones, Tyr doesn't play any folk music at all (well they don't but they do use folk melodies, they just play them in a more metal way than what most people would expect, their older stuff is more like folk than their later stuff), and tries to say all of these bands are racist, because get this, they write about local folklore from their area, and because it's all a "male power fantasy" they are being racist and sexist! FUCK YOU SPRACKLING.
Sprackling conveniently ignores folk metal that doesn't talk about vikings. Like Each and every Middle eastern folk metal band and Asian Folk Metal Band (Tang Dynasty, etc), and every and all European folk metal band that doesn't talk about viking history/legends or doesn't talk about legends at all and instead talks about other topics. This includes the following bands:
Ensiferum (Finnish Mythology - the Kalevala is their influence.The Kalevala is a Finnish Epic Poem telling a massive story that starts at the beginning of the Finnish Creation Myth and goes on to tell the story of several Finnish Shamanstic Heros in a war between several sides... You can read the story here. None of this is viking metal related. Viking metal talks about NORSE mythology not finnish mythology.
Amorphis also writes about the Kalevala..
Windir : A band that talks about the history of the town in norway that they are from. This is more of a history than mythology based band. They focus on how one farmer saved their town in the middle ages... None of their lyrics are viking metal, even though they are labeled as viking metal.
Eluveitie isn't viking metal by a long shot. They talk about the Gauls fight against the Romans in one album but mostly they talk about the Gauls religious practises. That isn't viking metal or racist in any way..
Finntroll talk about old folk tales spread by finnish people to scare off Christian traveling ministers trying to convert Finnish People to Christianity. These folk talks talk about Trolls Killing Christians mostly..
Korpiklaani has mostly devolved into a drinking band. But they used to talk about Finnish tribal life in the woods. Their lyrics were mostly finnish. They were not viking metal in anyway and in fact were very ANTI viking like a lot of finnish folk metal bands...
Cruachan talks about the Pre Christian Pagans in Ireland. Once again not viking metal and not racist...
Wintersun is often called folk metal but they really aren't. They write about loneliness a lot.
Suidakra talks about pagan mythology, mostly Scottish and Irish.
Equillibrium talks about Germanic folk tales.
Moonsorrow talks about Finnish Folk tales and such. They take a very dark turn and focus mostly on Paganism dying to christianity (I Believe... I could be wrong)
Melechesh talks about mostly Sumerian Mythology. As far from viking metal as you can get...'
Wuthering Heights talks mostly about Lord of the rings stuff.... NOT viking metal!
'
From the list of bands I have listened to, only Tyr, Mithotyn, Manegarm, and Falkenbach are Viking Metal. That's 4 out of 17! A lot more Pagan Metal, but once again Pagan Metal =/= Nazi Metal. There is no connection between Pagan Metal and Naziism, despite what these fucking turds in the SJW Circles Think!
Wintersun, Korpiklaani, Finntroll, Tyr, Eluveitie, Cruachan, Amorphis, Mithotyn, Windir, Manegarm, Suidakra, Equillibrium, Moonsorrow, Melechesh, Falkenbach,
It's none of these bands fault that their history or folklore is primary white people based. Anyone who uses that stupid excuse to trash bands like this can go fuck himself...
This idiot is trashing the best music out there now. Folk metal kills all other kinds of metal completely in terms, of melody. You can't get better than the melody found in a lot of these bands. Windir, Melechesh, Wuthering Heights and Ensiferum (which he conveniently misspelled as "enisferum!" - Check your spelling idiot!) are amazing bands. The epicness of them is beyond anything power metal could ever do, or Melodic Death, or Death Metal, or Metalcore, or anything else really... He conveniently bashes the 5 examples of Folk Metal as not folk influenced which is stupid. Their melodies are folk influenced, you fucking idiot. Some might not show it much by playing folk instruments but it 's still folk influenced... This idiot is trying to bash the genre for stupid reasons and he really has to learn to fuck off...
So when I hear some fucking stupid SJW trashing ALL folk metal for being Racist (because it's all viking metal to them, when it isn't...) I get pissed off to the extreme. Karl Spracklin is a fucking tool. He is shitting on the most musically diverse kind of metal out there! NOTHING is close to how unique folk metal sounds. One band will sound drastically different from others and I love that. Apparently Spracklin doesn't like that at all. All because of a few Viking metal bands. Well Fuck him because Viking Metal Kicks ass!
Viking Metal and Nazi's don't have a connection. Nazi's latch on to pagan bands all the time. It's not the band's fault that this happens. They just like talking about history of their people. The thing is that all the viking metal bands are from Scandanavia. Why would they not write about the viking age. Vikings play a huge role in the history of those countries. And before Christians attempted to brainwash vikings by force in Norway, vikings were the only history they had. Why would they embrace something they view as a foreign influence (Christianity) over something that was their own? They wouldn't. It doesn't matter how "White" their Ancestors are, they will still reference their heritage. That's the point of Folk Music. To Embrace folklore from your area. They have no other folklore in Sweden and Norway but viking folklore.
What this stupid author doesn't realize is that not ALL folk metal bands are viking metal bands. Sprackling is trying to make them all look like viking metal. Viking metal is a type of folk metal but it does not encompass all folk metal. In fact about 50% of folk metal is NOT viking metal. Some of these non viking metal bands get labelled as viking metal bands but in reality they are not. I will get into this later.
But what really pissed me off is the fact that this idiot sprackling tried to trash the 5 most popular folk metal bands with stupid BS excuses. The Author trashes every single one of these bands for not being folk at all, complains about the lack of non white and non male band members in all of these bands, tries to say Eluveitie doesn't use Swiss/Gaulish folk instruments (HELLO! I know the difference between and rips of Irish folk ones, Tyr doesn't play any folk music at all (well they don't but they do use folk melodies, they just play them in a more metal way than what most people would expect, their older stuff is more like folk than their later stuff), and tries to say all of these bands are racist, because get this, they write about local folklore from their area, and because it's all a "male power fantasy" they are being racist and sexist! FUCK YOU SPRACKLING.
Sprackling conveniently ignores folk metal that doesn't talk about vikings. Like Each and every Middle eastern folk metal band and Asian Folk Metal Band (Tang Dynasty, etc), and every and all European folk metal band that doesn't talk about viking history/legends or doesn't talk about legends at all and instead talks about other topics. This includes the following bands:
Ensiferum (Finnish Mythology - the Kalevala is their influence.The Kalevala is a Finnish Epic Poem telling a massive story that starts at the beginning of the Finnish Creation Myth and goes on to tell the story of several Finnish Shamanstic Heros in a war between several sides... You can read the story here. None of this is viking metal related. Viking metal talks about NORSE mythology not finnish mythology.
Amorphis also writes about the Kalevala..
Windir : A band that talks about the history of the town in norway that they are from. This is more of a history than mythology based band. They focus on how one farmer saved their town in the middle ages... None of their lyrics are viking metal, even though they are labeled as viking metal.
Eluveitie isn't viking metal by a long shot. They talk about the Gauls fight against the Romans in one album but mostly they talk about the Gauls religious practises. That isn't viking metal or racist in any way..
Finntroll talk about old folk tales spread by finnish people to scare off Christian traveling ministers trying to convert Finnish People to Christianity. These folk talks talk about Trolls Killing Christians mostly..
Korpiklaani has mostly devolved into a drinking band. But they used to talk about Finnish tribal life in the woods. Their lyrics were mostly finnish. They were not viking metal in anyway and in fact were very ANTI viking like a lot of finnish folk metal bands...
Cruachan talks about the Pre Christian Pagans in Ireland. Once again not viking metal and not racist...
Wintersun is often called folk metal but they really aren't. They write about loneliness a lot.
Suidakra talks about pagan mythology, mostly Scottish and Irish.
Equillibrium talks about Germanic folk tales.
Moonsorrow talks about Finnish Folk tales and such. They take a very dark turn and focus mostly on Paganism dying to christianity (I Believe... I could be wrong)
Melechesh talks about mostly Sumerian Mythology. As far from viking metal as you can get...'
Wuthering Heights talks mostly about Lord of the rings stuff.... NOT viking metal!
'
From the list of bands I have listened to, only Tyr, Mithotyn, Manegarm, and Falkenbach are Viking Metal. That's 4 out of 17! A lot more Pagan Metal, but once again Pagan Metal =/= Nazi Metal. There is no connection between Pagan Metal and Naziism, despite what these fucking turds in the SJW Circles Think!
Wintersun, Korpiklaani, Finntroll, Tyr, Eluveitie, Cruachan, Amorphis, Mithotyn, Windir, Manegarm, Suidakra, Equillibrium, Moonsorrow, Melechesh, Falkenbach,
It's none of these bands fault that their history or folklore is primary white people based. Anyone who uses that stupid excuse to trash bands like this can go fuck himself...
This idiot is trashing the best music out there now. Folk metal kills all other kinds of metal completely in terms, of melody. You can't get better than the melody found in a lot of these bands. Windir, Melechesh, Wuthering Heights and Ensiferum (which he conveniently misspelled as "enisferum!" - Check your spelling idiot!) are amazing bands. The epicness of them is beyond anything power metal could ever do, or Melodic Death, or Death Metal, or Metalcore, or anything else really... He conveniently bashes the 5 examples of Folk Metal as not folk influenced which is stupid. Their melodies are folk influenced, you fucking idiot. Some might not show it much by playing folk instruments but it 's still folk influenced... This idiot is trying to bash the genre for stupid reasons and he really has to learn to fuck off...
Monday, March 28, 2016
#WWE, I Fucking HATE #TheNewDay, Time to Whip their ass in #WWE2K15!
It's painfully obvious that the WWE Tag Team Champs, #thenewday are starting to really grate me. I am sick and tired of them, totally. I am sick and tired of their stupid "Bootie" and "Bootie-O's" Jokes, their stupid dancing, their annoying "Oh No" Chants, and their stupid Trombone playing. They piss me off. I want them beaten up bad, and I don't trust the League of Nations to do that ass whipping for me.So I thought, if the #WWE wouldn't make #TheNewDay Loose the Tag Team Championship (even When #AJStyles wrestled them! Goddamnit), I would beat them up in a video game and post videos of it on my youtube channel.
So what did I do: I made a tag team in #wwe2k15 that will whip #thenewday's ASS!!!!
I like a lot of more extreme wrestlers, and out of the three I REALLY DIG (Owens, #SamoaJoe and Shinsuke Nakamura), only one is on raw now (Kevin Owens). And now that the new day are officially faces (Yaay!) I was hoping #theNewDay would get their asses Beat by one of them. Now keep this in mind : I usually don't gravitate toward Heels. I just think these 3 heels are amazing wrestlers, and they are. As a tag team, they would KICK #THENEWDAYS ASS! Hell, Owens alone could single handily annihilate #theNewDay!
Imagine Owens beating the shit out of the new day and winning! That would be funny as hell! What I want to really see is him putting either #thenewday or the Miz through a flaming table. Imagine the carnage if he does that! Steen ends up putting Joe through a flaming table in a modded wwe 2k15 match posted on youtube. It was bad. Imagine Owens doing that to the new Day! (Big E Specifically) It would be a Kevin Owens Flaming Table Massacre!
I experimented on making a wrestler based on me as a leader of a tag team with Joe as a partner. We beat #thenewday several times in a row and Joe came up big beating the new day single handily 2 times (one in wwf no mercy, one in wwe 2k15). But none of this compares to how bad #thenewday beating was with Shunsuke Nakamura wrestling in my place in a 3 man tag team of Shinsuke Nakamura, Kevin Owens and Samoa Joe.
Lets' just say #thenewday got creamed horribly. It wasn't just funny. It was HILLARIOUS! Shinsuke ripped the poor #newday to shreds. He kept kneeing them, kicking them, and punching them, in the head, over and over again It was funny as hell! He even kneed them to the groin a few times and every time that happened, I laughed my ass off! Then comes the Samoan Submission Machine. He kept kicking them even more, and face washing them in the ropes, brutally massacring them with the Vicious style of his. It was so fun watching him annihilate #thenewday for the 15'th time in a row. Speaking of the New Day's Track Record VS Joe in Video Games, It has been Terrible. Absolutely Terrible. They won ONE match, that's it, and lost at least 10 matches where they had to face a tag team with #SamoaJoe in it. He's been amazing against them, winning matches single handily twice! He ripped the poor new day to shreds. JOE IS GONNA KILL YOU! JOE IS GONNA KILL YOU! But then the best part happened : Kevin Owens came in. He beat the shit out of Kofi. He power bombed Kofi 2 times, and Package pile drived Kofi 2 times too! It was MEAN and vicious, just what I want to see happen to the New Gay! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! YES! YES! YES! KILL THEM OWENS KILL THEM! YES! #THENEWDAY IS DEAD! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So what did I do: I made a tag team in #wwe2k15 that will whip #thenewday's ASS!!!!
I like a lot of more extreme wrestlers, and out of the three I REALLY DIG (Owens, #SamoaJoe and Shinsuke Nakamura), only one is on raw now (Kevin Owens). And now that the new day are officially faces (Yaay!) I was hoping #theNewDay would get their asses Beat by one of them. Now keep this in mind : I usually don't gravitate toward Heels. I just think these 3 heels are amazing wrestlers, and they are. As a tag team, they would KICK #THENEWDAYS ASS! Hell, Owens alone could single handily annihilate #theNewDay!
Imagine Owens beating the shit out of the new day and winning! That would be funny as hell! What I want to really see is him putting either #thenewday or the Miz through a flaming table. Imagine the carnage if he does that! Steen ends up putting Joe through a flaming table in a modded wwe 2k15 match posted on youtube. It was bad. Imagine Owens doing that to the new Day! (Big E Specifically) It would be a Kevin Owens Flaming Table Massacre!
I experimented on making a wrestler based on me as a leader of a tag team with Joe as a partner. We beat #thenewday several times in a row and Joe came up big beating the new day single handily 2 times (one in wwf no mercy, one in wwe 2k15). But none of this compares to how bad #thenewday beating was with Shunsuke Nakamura wrestling in my place in a 3 man tag team of Shinsuke Nakamura, Kevin Owens and Samoa Joe.
Lets' just say #thenewday got creamed horribly. It wasn't just funny. It was HILLARIOUS! Shinsuke ripped the poor #newday to shreds. He kept kneeing them, kicking them, and punching them, in the head, over and over again It was funny as hell! He even kneed them to the groin a few times and every time that happened, I laughed my ass off! Then comes the Samoan Submission Machine. He kept kicking them even more, and face washing them in the ropes, brutally massacring them with the Vicious style of his. It was so fun watching him annihilate #thenewday for the 15'th time in a row. Speaking of the New Day's Track Record VS Joe in Video Games, It has been Terrible. Absolutely Terrible. They won ONE match, that's it, and lost at least 10 matches where they had to face a tag team with #SamoaJoe in it. He's been amazing against them, winning matches single handily twice! He ripped the poor new day to shreds. JOE IS GONNA KILL YOU! JOE IS GONNA KILL YOU! But then the best part happened : Kevin Owens came in. He beat the shit out of Kofi. He power bombed Kofi 2 times, and Package pile drived Kofi 2 times too! It was MEAN and vicious, just what I want to see happen to the New Gay! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! YES! YES! YES! KILL THEM OWENS KILL THEM! YES! #THENEWDAY IS DEAD! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, February 26, 2016
JOE IS GONNA KILL YOU! (Version 2.0)
(The Following Post is a humorous Wrestling joke post. In now way shape or form do I want the following things to happen to the real wrestlers in WWE. I wrote this as a joke. I am not advocating violence torwards wrestlers, no matter how much their gimmicks, or looks annoy me. )
Monday night raw will not be the same once Samoa Joe Arrives. I predict he will be almost as unstoppable as he was in TNA. The Samoan Submission Machine packs one mean punch (and kick) and the whole WWE Roster better watch out or else they will be in deep doo-doo.
I can say with 100% certainty that the following wrestlers will get ripped to shreds by Joe. The following wrestlers don't stand any chance of beating Joe at his game. It will not be pretty for fanboys/girls of these wrestlers. They will weep in agony as their hero falls to the Samoan Submission Machine!
The following matches I will predict the outcome to.
Samoa Joe vs Roman Reigns:
Even though I am a huge Roman Reigns fan (hate it all you want!), I don't see Joe losing to him whatsoever. Reigns is nowhere near as good as Joe. Nor is Ambrose. The match will probably go back in forth like most Matches but at the end Reigns will apply his "Superman Punch" Finisher on Joe. The announcer will scream "SUPERMAN PUNCH!". But by the time they scream it they will realize they called the match wrong and Roman did not hit the Superman Punch at all. Joe is too quick for that to work. See his reflexes will allow him to block the superman punch and grab Roman's Arm. He will quickly throw Roman to the ground and apply the brutal "Coquina Clutch" Move. Roman will tap out.
Roman 0 Joe 1
That's nice compared to what Joe will do to the following 5 wrestlers. Unlike Roman, I cannot stand any of the following wrestlers.
Samoa Joe vs John Cena
This match will not be close. Joe will rip Cena to Shreds. Joe will kick his ass quite brutally. Tons of kicks and punches. Cena will not be able to block them. Eventually Cena will turn it around and start doing Moves on Joe. For a while it will seem like John is winning. But then comes the AA. The announcers say John will win. But Joe is slippery. He will slip off of John's shoulders and drop to the ground, then immediately swiftly kick Cena in the Nuts! John will fall down. Joe will Jump On top of him and apply the before mentioned Coquina Clutch. Cena Taps Out and Looses. Then (since both Joe and John like rap) Joe will start to break into a rap saying how Cena Sucks and was never a good wrestler and how he should quit wrestling.
Cena 0 Joe 1
Samoa Joe vs King Barrett
King Barrett ripped Samoa Joe in a post on facebook saying how a match between them will end in a bull hammer. What a Dick! He doesn't know he bit off more than he can chew, does he. See barrett is a shitty wrestler who is less than 1/10 the wrestler Joe Is. He will try to use the stupid Bull Hammer Move but Joe will block it, grab his arm, twist his arm till he falls on the floor, Apply the Coquina Clutch and make Barrett Tap out. Then he will kick Barrett in the Nuts. 10 Times in a row to make it so Queen Barrett never wrestles again. BECAUSE HE SUX
Joe 1 Barrett 0 (What does Barrett think he is, a good wrestler, for god's sake his moves solely consist of stomps to legs and arms, that's not wrestling that's heel BS cheating BS!)
Samoa Joe vs the Miz
Prepare for the biggest WWE Ass Whooping ever movie star... HAHAHAH
Samoa Joe will eventually be challenged to wrestle the ridiculously annoying wrestler "the Miz" (what kind of stupid name is that!). Joe will kick Miz's ass. But at first Miz will have the advantage. He will punch Joe and make Joe fall on the ground. Then he will do his stupid arms out hands flickering gesture I hate. But unlike other wrestler cowards (besides AJ Styles anyway) He will jump up immediately and then Kick Miz in the Nuts!
See Joe will be 200% more pissed at Miz than at any other wrestler he kicks in the nuts. This will make Joe Kick with twice the force, making the Miz's Nads Bleed! Bleed Bad. In fact the Miz will be taken to the Hospital. But it's not over. Joe will follow Him there and dress up like a doctor. Then he will say to Miz (with tons of life support needles attached to The Miz's nads) "I am doctor Seanoa, I bust muscles for a living!". Then He will deliver the Muscle Buster 50 times in a row to Miz's butchered body.
The Miz will be now bleeding all over. He will have tons of doctors trying to fix Him. Joe will kick their ass and the cops will come in. Joe will kick their ass too. Then Joe will carry the limp unconscious body to an ambulance, Drive it off a cliff, and roll out of the Ambulance before it reaches the cliff, because he's that damn fast.
Joe 100 Miz 0
Samoa Joe vs Sheamus
Sheamus is a goof with stupid hair. Admit it. And even though his moves are quite good, he is nowhere as good as Joe. Not even close. At some point in their match, Sheamus will try to put Joe in his move where he straps his opponent through the ropes and hits him in the chest. That will happen and Joe will be pissed off. So Pissed off that he will Grab Sheamus's Head from behind and mercilessly toss sheamus over his head, so Sheamus lands on the Curb Below, Busting Him Open.
Sheamus is now in Deep Shit.
Joe will kick sheamus in the wound, and mercilessly throw up on the wound, because he ate a shitty Turkey Sandwitch earlier in the Day! He will then deliver the move that fits him perfectly but isn't used by him, Rikishi's Stinkface! He will then punk out sheamus and say that sheamus should really shower more! Then He will toss Sheamus into the ring and Shave Sheamus's Stupid Hair. It will be like Edge vs Angle's aftermath only this time the Bald wrestler at the end can't wrestle for shit. Then He will Kick Sheamus over and over again, breaking all of his leg bones. Then He will Deliver the Musclebuster and the Coquina Clutch in that order. Sheamus will not tap out. He will reach the ropes. Joe will then kick him in the nuts! Over and Over Again. He will then tap out because of the pain.
Joe 1000 Sheamus -50 (cut your stupid hair!)
Samoa Joe vs the New Day
Eventually the annoying trio of gay guys pretending to be Pro Wrestlers called the new day will annoy the hell out of Joe like they have been with me for years. Joe will come out and say "shut up you are annoying me, one more stupid bootie comment and I am going in there to single handily kick your ass!" They make the bootie comment and then he goes in and there is a match between him and all of the New Day. A 1 on 3 match. But Joe will win it. Easily.
See Joe is immune to the infamous "Unicorn Stampede". The Instant one of them tries to do the stampede, he will jump up, grab the stomping leg, rip it off of them in a rage never seen in the WWE ever. He single handily ripped the leg out of the body! He then will get up and beat them over the head with the leg. Over and over again. This will cause the Fag with the trombone to come in. Joe will take the Trombone from him, beat them over the head with it and then shove it up Big-E's ass because it looks like it could fit in there!
Imagine the "Joe is gonna Kill you" Chants Now!
Then Joe will apply the Coquina Clutch to the now Busted open Big E. Big E will not Tap out. Joe will then stomp him in his neck over and over again. Big E can't move because he has a 2 foot trombone up his ass. Joe will then Musclebust Him. Over and over again. Joe will then Punk them On the Mic. He will say their act sucks. He will then Beat them up horribly. He will then Shave Kofi's Hair and Xavier's Hair because their haircuts suck! Then He will Use Tons of Powerslams to dislodge the bloody Trombone from Big-E's ass and shove it down Kofi's Throat! Kofi will pass out and have to be removed from the arena in an ambulance. This causes Kofi to Quit wrestling forever and the new day is dead as a result. He will win the match by making one of the others tap to the Coquina Clutch. No more new Day. The whole arena thanks Joe (by chanting "Thank you Joe!") for getting rid of the obscenely annoying New Day Gimmick forever! Even though he is a heel he will be famously remembered for this one ass whooping!
Joe 10000 The new Day (their gay!) -1000
My humblest apologies go out to the wrestlers I Just punked out. But hey, some of them deserved it like the New Day (For Being the most annoying tag team ever! I thought Too Cool was bad, these guys make too cool look like Edge and Christian in Comparison! Fuck!) and King Barrett (For trashing Joe in his advertisement for WWE 2K16 - Hey King Barrett! Joe is 1000 times the wrestler you are!)
Monday night raw will not be the same once Samoa Joe Arrives. I predict he will be almost as unstoppable as he was in TNA. The Samoan Submission Machine packs one mean punch (and kick) and the whole WWE Roster better watch out or else they will be in deep doo-doo.
I can say with 100% certainty that the following wrestlers will get ripped to shreds by Joe. The following wrestlers don't stand any chance of beating Joe at his game. It will not be pretty for fanboys/girls of these wrestlers. They will weep in agony as their hero falls to the Samoan Submission Machine!
The following matches I will predict the outcome to.
Samoa Joe vs Roman Reigns:
Even though I am a huge Roman Reigns fan (hate it all you want!), I don't see Joe losing to him whatsoever. Reigns is nowhere near as good as Joe. Nor is Ambrose. The match will probably go back in forth like most Matches but at the end Reigns will apply his "Superman Punch" Finisher on Joe. The announcer will scream "SUPERMAN PUNCH!". But by the time they scream it they will realize they called the match wrong and Roman did not hit the Superman Punch at all. Joe is too quick for that to work. See his reflexes will allow him to block the superman punch and grab Roman's Arm. He will quickly throw Roman to the ground and apply the brutal "Coquina Clutch" Move. Roman will tap out.
Roman 0 Joe 1
That's nice compared to what Joe will do to the following 5 wrestlers. Unlike Roman, I cannot stand any of the following wrestlers.
Samoa Joe vs John Cena
This match will not be close. Joe will rip Cena to Shreds. Joe will kick his ass quite brutally. Tons of kicks and punches. Cena will not be able to block them. Eventually Cena will turn it around and start doing Moves on Joe. For a while it will seem like John is winning. But then comes the AA. The announcers say John will win. But Joe is slippery. He will slip off of John's shoulders and drop to the ground, then immediately swiftly kick Cena in the Nuts! John will fall down. Joe will Jump On top of him and apply the before mentioned Coquina Clutch. Cena Taps Out and Looses. Then (since both Joe and John like rap) Joe will start to break into a rap saying how Cena Sucks and was never a good wrestler and how he should quit wrestling.
Cena 0 Joe 1
Samoa Joe vs King Barrett
King Barrett ripped Samoa Joe in a post on facebook saying how a match between them will end in a bull hammer. What a Dick! He doesn't know he bit off more than he can chew, does he. See barrett is a shitty wrestler who is less than 1/10 the wrestler Joe Is. He will try to use the stupid Bull Hammer Move but Joe will block it, grab his arm, twist his arm till he falls on the floor, Apply the Coquina Clutch and make Barrett Tap out. Then he will kick Barrett in the Nuts. 10 Times in a row to make it so Queen Barrett never wrestles again. BECAUSE HE SUX
Joe 1 Barrett 0 (What does Barrett think he is, a good wrestler, for god's sake his moves solely consist of stomps to legs and arms, that's not wrestling that's heel BS cheating BS!)
Samoa Joe vs the Miz
Prepare for the biggest WWE Ass Whooping ever movie star... HAHAHAH
Samoa Joe will eventually be challenged to wrestle the ridiculously annoying wrestler "the Miz" (what kind of stupid name is that!). Joe will kick Miz's ass. But at first Miz will have the advantage. He will punch Joe and make Joe fall on the ground. Then he will do his stupid arms out hands flickering gesture I hate. But unlike other wrestler cowards (besides AJ Styles anyway) He will jump up immediately and then Kick Miz in the Nuts!
See Joe will be 200% more pissed at Miz than at any other wrestler he kicks in the nuts. This will make Joe Kick with twice the force, making the Miz's Nads Bleed! Bleed Bad. In fact the Miz will be taken to the Hospital. But it's not over. Joe will follow Him there and dress up like a doctor. Then he will say to Miz (with tons of life support needles attached to The Miz's nads) "I am doctor Seanoa, I bust muscles for a living!". Then He will deliver the Muscle Buster 50 times in a row to Miz's butchered body.
The Miz will be now bleeding all over. He will have tons of doctors trying to fix Him. Joe will kick their ass and the cops will come in. Joe will kick their ass too. Then Joe will carry the limp unconscious body to an ambulance, Drive it off a cliff, and roll out of the Ambulance before it reaches the cliff, because he's that damn fast.
Joe 100 Miz 0
Samoa Joe vs Sheamus
Sheamus is a goof with stupid hair. Admit it. And even though his moves are quite good, he is nowhere as good as Joe. Not even close. At some point in their match, Sheamus will try to put Joe in his move where he straps his opponent through the ropes and hits him in the chest. That will happen and Joe will be pissed off. So Pissed off that he will Grab Sheamus's Head from behind and mercilessly toss sheamus over his head, so Sheamus lands on the Curb Below, Busting Him Open.
Sheamus is now in Deep Shit.
Joe will kick sheamus in the wound, and mercilessly throw up on the wound, because he ate a shitty Turkey Sandwitch earlier in the Day! He will then deliver the move that fits him perfectly but isn't used by him, Rikishi's Stinkface! He will then punk out sheamus and say that sheamus should really shower more! Then He will toss Sheamus into the ring and Shave Sheamus's Stupid Hair. It will be like Edge vs Angle's aftermath only this time the Bald wrestler at the end can't wrestle for shit. Then He will Kick Sheamus over and over again, breaking all of his leg bones. Then He will Deliver the Musclebuster and the Coquina Clutch in that order. Sheamus will not tap out. He will reach the ropes. Joe will then kick him in the nuts! Over and Over Again. He will then tap out because of the pain.
Joe 1000 Sheamus -50 (cut your stupid hair!)
Samoa Joe vs the New Day
Eventually the annoying trio of gay guys pretending to be Pro Wrestlers called the new day will annoy the hell out of Joe like they have been with me for years. Joe will come out and say "shut up you are annoying me, one more stupid bootie comment and I am going in there to single handily kick your ass!" They make the bootie comment and then he goes in and there is a match between him and all of the New Day. A 1 on 3 match. But Joe will win it. Easily.
See Joe is immune to the infamous "Unicorn Stampede". The Instant one of them tries to do the stampede, he will jump up, grab the stomping leg, rip it off of them in a rage never seen in the WWE ever. He single handily ripped the leg out of the body! He then will get up and beat them over the head with the leg. Over and over again. This will cause the Fag with the trombone to come in. Joe will take the Trombone from him, beat them over the head with it and then shove it up Big-E's ass because it looks like it could fit in there!
Imagine the "Joe is gonna Kill you" Chants Now!
Then Joe will apply the Coquina Clutch to the now Busted open Big E. Big E will not Tap out. Joe will then stomp him in his neck over and over again. Big E can't move because he has a 2 foot trombone up his ass. Joe will then Musclebust Him. Over and over again. Joe will then Punk them On the Mic. He will say their act sucks. He will then Beat them up horribly. He will then Shave Kofi's Hair and Xavier's Hair because their haircuts suck! Then He will Use Tons of Powerslams to dislodge the bloody Trombone from Big-E's ass and shove it down Kofi's Throat! Kofi will pass out and have to be removed from the arena in an ambulance. This causes Kofi to Quit wrestling forever and the new day is dead as a result. He will win the match by making one of the others tap to the Coquina Clutch. No more new Day. The whole arena thanks Joe (by chanting "Thank you Joe!") for getting rid of the obscenely annoying New Day Gimmick forever! Even though he is a heel he will be famously remembered for this one ass whooping!
Joe 10000 The new Day (their gay!) -1000
My humblest apologies go out to the wrestlers I Just punked out. But hey, some of them deserved it like the New Day (For Being the most annoying tag team ever! I thought Too Cool was bad, these guys make too cool look like Edge and Christian in Comparison! Fuck!) and King Barrett (For trashing Joe in his advertisement for WWE 2K16 - Hey King Barrett! Joe is 1000 times the wrestler you are!)
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