So I was searching for Australian metal Bands when I came across a list
of Australian bands. The list was posted on a rather bad site for metal.
The site is rateyourmusic.com. The site is a crowd review site and one that sucks. It is filled with idiots who write bad reviews by the hundreds for awesome cd's... There are tons of idiot trolls giving good metal bands cd's shitty reviews there... Underground bands such as Windir (my favorite folk/metal hybrid band), Valtari and Be'lakor (two underground Australian melodeth bands). Part of the purpose of this post is to expose these trolls as the idiots they are. On the site there are tons of shitty reviews written by trolls for every artist. Not a single artist cd's get's any higher than a 3.7 out of 5 due to this. A perfect album gets a 3.5 due to all the shitty idiots giving it 2 and 1 star reviews. They factor into the reviews so much that nothing can get a good review there, no matter how good it is.
Checking the "reviews" Of At the Gates's Slaughter of the Soul CD. In the first 10 pages of reviews there were 13 2 and 1 star reviews alone. All were written by trolls who hate melodic death metal because they are idiots. One of The Trolls who bashed Be'lakor's awesome music (which I just got into on spotify), simply wrote a 1 star review claiming it was crappy "generic melodeath", which it isn't... It's progressive doom metal inspired melodeath. Imagine a mix of amon amarth/dark tranquillity with elements of opeth, insomnium and other bands thrown in. That's what Be'lakor sounds like. They write fantastic music and yet they score a crappy 2.5 out of 5 on the site by all the stupid melodeth haters... Someone else whined that Be'lakor wasn't progressive and also whined that the only progressive elements are piano's which isn't the case. I came across tons of time and tempo changes and softer passages as well as long song lengths and concept albums too... Fuck him. But what really pisses me off is the one idiot on the site who abuses the stupid site's ridiculously stupid rules to write shitty reviews that take apart everything about an artist to bash it for stupid reasons...
Enter "RustedIdiot".
RustedIdiot is a moron who bashed Valtari's Awesome 1 man band melodeth project by whining about it's production and said none of the songs were anything but generic melodeth. Think that is bad? Well It gets worse... Because he ripped my favorite folk/viking metal band to shreds. Yes That is Windir.
Windir wrote Blackened folk metal with very dark haunted melodies and keyboard passages. They started as a 1 man band ran by a guy from norway who called himself Valfar before he Died... They based the folk aspect of their music on melodies from Norwegian hymns. These are dark accordian based melodies that sound absolutely nothing like all the other folk music heard in folk metal (which is usually happy or cheesy in some way). These melodies sound dark and sinister.
Windir's music was so far removed from black metal AND folk Metal alike that it needs a new subgenre to represent it's awesome dark sound. The band created that subgenre "Sognametal". It's in the void between black metal and folk metal but isn't either one of those really.
That didn't stop the fucking idiot RustedIdiot for bashing Windir for the following stupid reasons:
-"Faux Aggression"
-Use of an admittedly awesome Arpeggio Riff
-Folk Melodies being used (claiming even the darker folk melodies windir used are cheezy and crappy)
-Claimed every song sucked and every song gets worse than the previous one on the windir cd "1184" (complete BS, The Final Song is the best one, I enjoyed them all, fuck him!)
RustedIdiot is very similar to a fucking idiot on youtube named DWTerminator. He is similar in so many ways that I think they are the same person but I cannot prove it without some real evidence (which as a person without IP address info I cannot do sadly).
They both do the following things:
-Trash bands/video games (in dwterminator's case) by writing stupid overcritical reviews.
-Use a scale where every level of quality ("good", "excellent", "bad") has a lower number than it normally should, for example they both give good albums/games a 2.5. This is done to piss of people who like a certain artist by giving them a lower score than you would expect. Because 2.5 would be bad on most people's eyes.
-They both harass and call fans of the stuff they are "reviewing" idiots to piss them off. Dwterminator did this in a Skyrim review, RustedIdiot did this in a review of a Windir Cd I liked. (I forgot which one).
I looked at all the reviews RustedTurdburglar give 4 and 5 star reviews and found out he is a "true norwiegan black metal" and "brutal" death metal nut. People like this bash anything that has melodies because it's not "BR00TAL!". They fucking suck. Good music needs melody to be good. Just because it has melody does not mean it's cheesy. This guy took the best damn sounding folk/metal mix in metal (the least cheesy of them all!) and bashed it for being cheesy. He is a fucking turdburglar.
This is what happens when idiots who make stupid crowd-reviewed sites like rateyourmusic.com allow absolutely anything and everything in a review, and don't punish reviews for stupid shit like this.
Do NOT use sites like this to judge music. I'd rather use encyclopedia metallium's reviews (with their tons of fanboys giving bands 100% reviews) and stupid bad reviews ruining albums reception over a site that allows tons of stupid critics to post reviews bashing a cd for stupid fucking reasons muddling the score so bad because 30% of the reviews are 1 star reviews by stupid "BR00TAL is best assholes".
Fuck them!
Sunday, September 4, 2016
Thursday, August 18, 2016
Karl Spracklen Trashes Folk Metal like the Stupid Idiot he is
Ok... Lets get to the intro to this long post. I am a folk metal fan. A Huge one... I was a metalhead for a long time, and abandoned folk metal because I thought it all sounded like skyclad. I was wrong. Ensiferum turned me on to EXTREME Folk metal a few years ago. I can't stop listening to this stuff. Since then I have gotten into Wintersun, Korpiklaani, Finntroll, Tyr, Eluveitie, Cruachan, Amorphis, Mithotyn, Windir, Manegarm, Suidakra, Equillibrium, Moonsorrow, Melechesh, Falkenbach, and Wuthering Heights. I absolutely love the combination of extreme metal with folk music. Especially if it's dark evil folk music or exotic folk music like middle eastern, finnish, oriental, or dark norweigan folk seen in windir (especially)...
So when I hear some fucking stupid SJW trashing ALL folk metal for being Racist (because it's all viking metal to them, when it isn't...) I get pissed off to the extreme. Karl Spracklin is a fucking tool. He is shitting on the most musically diverse kind of metal out there! NOTHING is close to how unique folk metal sounds. One band will sound drastically different from others and I love that. Apparently Spracklin doesn't like that at all. All because of a few Viking metal bands. Well Fuck him because Viking Metal Kicks ass!
Viking Metal and Nazi's don't have a connection. Nazi's latch on to pagan bands all the time. It's not the band's fault that this happens. They just like talking about history of their people. The thing is that all the viking metal bands are from Scandanavia. Why would they not write about the viking age. Vikings play a huge role in the history of those countries. And before Christians attempted to brainwash vikings by force in Norway, vikings were the only history they had. Why would they embrace something they view as a foreign influence (Christianity) over something that was their own? They wouldn't. It doesn't matter how "White" their Ancestors are, they will still reference their heritage. That's the point of Folk Music. To Embrace folklore from your area. They have no other folklore in Sweden and Norway but viking folklore.
What this stupid author doesn't realize is that not ALL folk metal bands are viking metal bands. Sprackling is trying to make them all look like viking metal. Viking metal is a type of folk metal but it does not encompass all folk metal. In fact about 50% of folk metal is NOT viking metal. Some of these non viking metal bands get labelled as viking metal bands but in reality they are not. I will get into this later.
But what really pissed me off is the fact that this idiot sprackling tried to trash the 5 most popular folk metal bands with stupid BS excuses. The Author trashes every single one of these bands for not being folk at all, complains about the lack of non white and non male band members in all of these bands, tries to say Eluveitie doesn't use Swiss/Gaulish folk instruments (HELLO! I know the difference between and rips of Irish folk ones, Tyr doesn't play any folk music at all (well they don't but they do use folk melodies, they just play them in a more metal way than what most people would expect, their older stuff is more like folk than their later stuff), and tries to say all of these bands are racist, because get this, they write about local folklore from their area, and because it's all a "male power fantasy" they are being racist and sexist! FUCK YOU SPRACKLING.
Sprackling conveniently ignores folk metal that doesn't talk about vikings. Like Each and every Middle eastern folk metal band and Asian Folk Metal Band (Tang Dynasty, etc), and every and all European folk metal band that doesn't talk about viking history/legends or doesn't talk about legends at all and instead talks about other topics. This includes the following bands:
Ensiferum (Finnish Mythology - the Kalevala is their influence.The Kalevala is a Finnish Epic Poem telling a massive story that starts at the beginning of the Finnish Creation Myth and goes on to tell the story of several Finnish Shamanstic Heros in a war between several sides... You can read the story here. None of this is viking metal related. Viking metal talks about NORSE mythology not finnish mythology.
Amorphis also writes about the Kalevala..
Windir : A band that talks about the history of the town in norway that they are from. This is more of a history than mythology based band. They focus on how one farmer saved their town in the middle ages... None of their lyrics are viking metal, even though they are labeled as viking metal.
Eluveitie isn't viking metal by a long shot. They talk about the Gauls fight against the Romans in one album but mostly they talk about the Gauls religious practises. That isn't viking metal or racist in any way..
Finntroll talk about old folk tales spread by finnish people to scare off Christian traveling ministers trying to convert Finnish People to Christianity. These folk talks talk about Trolls Killing Christians mostly..
Korpiklaani has mostly devolved into a drinking band. But they used to talk about Finnish tribal life in the woods. Their lyrics were mostly finnish. They were not viking metal in anyway and in fact were very ANTI viking like a lot of finnish folk metal bands...
Cruachan talks about the Pre Christian Pagans in Ireland. Once again not viking metal and not racist...
Wintersun is often called folk metal but they really aren't. They write about loneliness a lot.
Suidakra talks about pagan mythology, mostly Scottish and Irish.
Equillibrium talks about Germanic folk tales.
Moonsorrow talks about Finnish Folk tales and such. They take a very dark turn and focus mostly on Paganism dying to christianity (I Believe... I could be wrong)
Melechesh talks about mostly Sumerian Mythology. As far from viking metal as you can get...'
Wuthering Heights talks mostly about Lord of the rings stuff.... NOT viking metal!
'
From the list of bands I have listened to, only Tyr, Mithotyn, Manegarm, and Falkenbach are Viking Metal. That's 4 out of 17! A lot more Pagan Metal, but once again Pagan Metal =/= Nazi Metal. There is no connection between Pagan Metal and Naziism, despite what these fucking turds in the SJW Circles Think!
Wintersun, Korpiklaani, Finntroll, Tyr, Eluveitie, Cruachan, Amorphis, Mithotyn, Windir, Manegarm, Suidakra, Equillibrium, Moonsorrow, Melechesh, Falkenbach,
It's none of these bands fault that their history or folklore is primary white people based. Anyone who uses that stupid excuse to trash bands like this can go fuck himself...
This idiot is trashing the best music out there now. Folk metal kills all other kinds of metal completely in terms, of melody. You can't get better than the melody found in a lot of these bands. Windir, Melechesh, Wuthering Heights and Ensiferum (which he conveniently misspelled as "enisferum!" - Check your spelling idiot!) are amazing bands. The epicness of them is beyond anything power metal could ever do, or Melodic Death, or Death Metal, or Metalcore, or anything else really... He conveniently bashes the 5 examples of Folk Metal as not folk influenced which is stupid. Their melodies are folk influenced, you fucking idiot. Some might not show it much by playing folk instruments but it 's still folk influenced... This idiot is trying to bash the genre for stupid reasons and he really has to learn to fuck off...
So when I hear some fucking stupid SJW trashing ALL folk metal for being Racist (because it's all viking metal to them, when it isn't...) I get pissed off to the extreme. Karl Spracklin is a fucking tool. He is shitting on the most musically diverse kind of metal out there! NOTHING is close to how unique folk metal sounds. One band will sound drastically different from others and I love that. Apparently Spracklin doesn't like that at all. All because of a few Viking metal bands. Well Fuck him because Viking Metal Kicks ass!
Viking Metal and Nazi's don't have a connection. Nazi's latch on to pagan bands all the time. It's not the band's fault that this happens. They just like talking about history of their people. The thing is that all the viking metal bands are from Scandanavia. Why would they not write about the viking age. Vikings play a huge role in the history of those countries. And before Christians attempted to brainwash vikings by force in Norway, vikings were the only history they had. Why would they embrace something they view as a foreign influence (Christianity) over something that was their own? They wouldn't. It doesn't matter how "White" their Ancestors are, they will still reference their heritage. That's the point of Folk Music. To Embrace folklore from your area. They have no other folklore in Sweden and Norway but viking folklore.
What this stupid author doesn't realize is that not ALL folk metal bands are viking metal bands. Sprackling is trying to make them all look like viking metal. Viking metal is a type of folk metal but it does not encompass all folk metal. In fact about 50% of folk metal is NOT viking metal. Some of these non viking metal bands get labelled as viking metal bands but in reality they are not. I will get into this later.
But what really pissed me off is the fact that this idiot sprackling tried to trash the 5 most popular folk metal bands with stupid BS excuses. The Author trashes every single one of these bands for not being folk at all, complains about the lack of non white and non male band members in all of these bands, tries to say Eluveitie doesn't use Swiss/Gaulish folk instruments (HELLO! I know the difference between and rips of Irish folk ones, Tyr doesn't play any folk music at all (well they don't but they do use folk melodies, they just play them in a more metal way than what most people would expect, their older stuff is more like folk than their later stuff), and tries to say all of these bands are racist, because get this, they write about local folklore from their area, and because it's all a "male power fantasy" they are being racist and sexist! FUCK YOU SPRACKLING.
Sprackling conveniently ignores folk metal that doesn't talk about vikings. Like Each and every Middle eastern folk metal band and Asian Folk Metal Band (Tang Dynasty, etc), and every and all European folk metal band that doesn't talk about viking history/legends or doesn't talk about legends at all and instead talks about other topics. This includes the following bands:
Ensiferum (Finnish Mythology - the Kalevala is their influence.The Kalevala is a Finnish Epic Poem telling a massive story that starts at the beginning of the Finnish Creation Myth and goes on to tell the story of several Finnish Shamanstic Heros in a war between several sides... You can read the story here. None of this is viking metal related. Viking metal talks about NORSE mythology not finnish mythology.
Amorphis also writes about the Kalevala..
Windir : A band that talks about the history of the town in norway that they are from. This is more of a history than mythology based band. They focus on how one farmer saved their town in the middle ages... None of their lyrics are viking metal, even though they are labeled as viking metal.
Eluveitie isn't viking metal by a long shot. They talk about the Gauls fight against the Romans in one album but mostly they talk about the Gauls religious practises. That isn't viking metal or racist in any way..
Finntroll talk about old folk tales spread by finnish people to scare off Christian traveling ministers trying to convert Finnish People to Christianity. These folk talks talk about Trolls Killing Christians mostly..
Korpiklaani has mostly devolved into a drinking band. But they used to talk about Finnish tribal life in the woods. Their lyrics were mostly finnish. They were not viking metal in anyway and in fact were very ANTI viking like a lot of finnish folk metal bands...
Cruachan talks about the Pre Christian Pagans in Ireland. Once again not viking metal and not racist...
Wintersun is often called folk metal but they really aren't. They write about loneliness a lot.
Suidakra talks about pagan mythology, mostly Scottish and Irish.
Equillibrium talks about Germanic folk tales.
Moonsorrow talks about Finnish Folk tales and such. They take a very dark turn and focus mostly on Paganism dying to christianity (I Believe... I could be wrong)
Melechesh talks about mostly Sumerian Mythology. As far from viking metal as you can get...'
Wuthering Heights talks mostly about Lord of the rings stuff.... NOT viking metal!
'
From the list of bands I have listened to, only Tyr, Mithotyn, Manegarm, and Falkenbach are Viking Metal. That's 4 out of 17! A lot more Pagan Metal, but once again Pagan Metal =/= Nazi Metal. There is no connection between Pagan Metal and Naziism, despite what these fucking turds in the SJW Circles Think!
Wintersun, Korpiklaani, Finntroll, Tyr, Eluveitie, Cruachan, Amorphis, Mithotyn, Windir, Manegarm, Suidakra, Equillibrium, Moonsorrow, Melechesh, Falkenbach,
It's none of these bands fault that their history or folklore is primary white people based. Anyone who uses that stupid excuse to trash bands like this can go fuck himself...
This idiot is trashing the best music out there now. Folk metal kills all other kinds of metal completely in terms, of melody. You can't get better than the melody found in a lot of these bands. Windir, Melechesh, Wuthering Heights and Ensiferum (which he conveniently misspelled as "enisferum!" - Check your spelling idiot!) are amazing bands. The epicness of them is beyond anything power metal could ever do, or Melodic Death, or Death Metal, or Metalcore, or anything else really... He conveniently bashes the 5 examples of Folk Metal as not folk influenced which is stupid. Their melodies are folk influenced, you fucking idiot. Some might not show it much by playing folk instruments but it 's still folk influenced... This idiot is trying to bash the genre for stupid reasons and he really has to learn to fuck off...
Monday, March 28, 2016
#WWE, I Fucking HATE #TheNewDay, Time to Whip their ass in #WWE2K15!
It's painfully obvious that the WWE Tag Team Champs, #thenewday are starting to really grate me. I am sick and tired of them, totally. I am sick and tired of their stupid "Bootie" and "Bootie-O's" Jokes, their stupid dancing, their annoying "Oh No" Chants, and their stupid Trombone playing. They piss me off. I want them beaten up bad, and I don't trust the League of Nations to do that ass whipping for me.So I thought, if the #WWE wouldn't make #TheNewDay Loose the Tag Team Championship (even When #AJStyles wrestled them! Goddamnit), I would beat them up in a video game and post videos of it on my youtube channel.
So what did I do: I made a tag team in #wwe2k15 that will whip #thenewday's ASS!!!!
I like a lot of more extreme wrestlers, and out of the three I REALLY DIG (Owens, #SamoaJoe and Shinsuke Nakamura), only one is on raw now (Kevin Owens). And now that the new day are officially faces (Yaay!) I was hoping #theNewDay would get their asses Beat by one of them. Now keep this in mind : I usually don't gravitate toward Heels. I just think these 3 heels are amazing wrestlers, and they are. As a tag team, they would KICK #THENEWDAYS ASS! Hell, Owens alone could single handily annihilate #theNewDay!
Imagine Owens beating the shit out of the new day and winning! That would be funny as hell! What I want to really see is him putting either #thenewday or the Miz through a flaming table. Imagine the carnage if he does that! Steen ends up putting Joe through a flaming table in a modded wwe 2k15 match posted on youtube. It was bad. Imagine Owens doing that to the new Day! (Big E Specifically) It would be a Kevin Owens Flaming Table Massacre!
I experimented on making a wrestler based on me as a leader of a tag team with Joe as a partner. We beat #thenewday several times in a row and Joe came up big beating the new day single handily 2 times (one in wwf no mercy, one in wwe 2k15). But none of this compares to how bad #thenewday beating was with Shunsuke Nakamura wrestling in my place in a 3 man tag team of Shinsuke Nakamura, Kevin Owens and Samoa Joe.
Lets' just say #thenewday got creamed horribly. It wasn't just funny. It was HILLARIOUS! Shinsuke ripped the poor #newday to shreds. He kept kneeing them, kicking them, and punching them, in the head, over and over again It was funny as hell! He even kneed them to the groin a few times and every time that happened, I laughed my ass off! Then comes the Samoan Submission Machine. He kept kicking them even more, and face washing them in the ropes, brutally massacring them with the Vicious style of his. It was so fun watching him annihilate #thenewday for the 15'th time in a row. Speaking of the New Day's Track Record VS Joe in Video Games, It has been Terrible. Absolutely Terrible. They won ONE match, that's it, and lost at least 10 matches where they had to face a tag team with #SamoaJoe in it. He's been amazing against them, winning matches single handily twice! He ripped the poor new day to shreds. JOE IS GONNA KILL YOU! JOE IS GONNA KILL YOU! But then the best part happened : Kevin Owens came in. He beat the shit out of Kofi. He power bombed Kofi 2 times, and Package pile drived Kofi 2 times too! It was MEAN and vicious, just what I want to see happen to the New Gay! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! YES! YES! YES! KILL THEM OWENS KILL THEM! YES! #THENEWDAY IS DEAD! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So what did I do: I made a tag team in #wwe2k15 that will whip #thenewday's ASS!!!!
I like a lot of more extreme wrestlers, and out of the three I REALLY DIG (Owens, #SamoaJoe and Shinsuke Nakamura), only one is on raw now (Kevin Owens). And now that the new day are officially faces (Yaay!) I was hoping #theNewDay would get their asses Beat by one of them. Now keep this in mind : I usually don't gravitate toward Heels. I just think these 3 heels are amazing wrestlers, and they are. As a tag team, they would KICK #THENEWDAYS ASS! Hell, Owens alone could single handily annihilate #theNewDay!
Imagine Owens beating the shit out of the new day and winning! That would be funny as hell! What I want to really see is him putting either #thenewday or the Miz through a flaming table. Imagine the carnage if he does that! Steen ends up putting Joe through a flaming table in a modded wwe 2k15 match posted on youtube. It was bad. Imagine Owens doing that to the new Day! (Big E Specifically) It would be a Kevin Owens Flaming Table Massacre!
I experimented on making a wrestler based on me as a leader of a tag team with Joe as a partner. We beat #thenewday several times in a row and Joe came up big beating the new day single handily 2 times (one in wwf no mercy, one in wwe 2k15). But none of this compares to how bad #thenewday beating was with Shunsuke Nakamura wrestling in my place in a 3 man tag team of Shinsuke Nakamura, Kevin Owens and Samoa Joe.
Lets' just say #thenewday got creamed horribly. It wasn't just funny. It was HILLARIOUS! Shinsuke ripped the poor #newday to shreds. He kept kneeing them, kicking them, and punching them, in the head, over and over again It was funny as hell! He even kneed them to the groin a few times and every time that happened, I laughed my ass off! Then comes the Samoan Submission Machine. He kept kicking them even more, and face washing them in the ropes, brutally massacring them with the Vicious style of his. It was so fun watching him annihilate #thenewday for the 15'th time in a row. Speaking of the New Day's Track Record VS Joe in Video Games, It has been Terrible. Absolutely Terrible. They won ONE match, that's it, and lost at least 10 matches where they had to face a tag team with #SamoaJoe in it. He's been amazing against them, winning matches single handily twice! He ripped the poor new day to shreds. JOE IS GONNA KILL YOU! JOE IS GONNA KILL YOU! But then the best part happened : Kevin Owens came in. He beat the shit out of Kofi. He power bombed Kofi 2 times, and Package pile drived Kofi 2 times too! It was MEAN and vicious, just what I want to see happen to the New Gay! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! YES! YES! YES! KILL THEM OWENS KILL THEM! YES! #THENEWDAY IS DEAD! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, February 26, 2016
JOE IS GONNA KILL YOU! (Version 2.0)
(The Following Post is a humorous Wrestling joke post. In now way shape or form do I want the following things to happen to the real wrestlers in WWE. I wrote this as a joke. I am not advocating violence torwards wrestlers, no matter how much their gimmicks, or looks annoy me. )
Monday night raw will not be the same once Samoa Joe Arrives. I predict he will be almost as unstoppable as he was in TNA. The Samoan Submission Machine packs one mean punch (and kick) and the whole WWE Roster better watch out or else they will be in deep doo-doo.
I can say with 100% certainty that the following wrestlers will get ripped to shreds by Joe. The following wrestlers don't stand any chance of beating Joe at his game. It will not be pretty for fanboys/girls of these wrestlers. They will weep in agony as their hero falls to the Samoan Submission Machine!
The following matches I will predict the outcome to.
Samoa Joe vs Roman Reigns:
Even though I am a huge Roman Reigns fan (hate it all you want!), I don't see Joe losing to him whatsoever. Reigns is nowhere near as good as Joe. Nor is Ambrose. The match will probably go back in forth like most Matches but at the end Reigns will apply his "Superman Punch" Finisher on Joe. The announcer will scream "SUPERMAN PUNCH!". But by the time they scream it they will realize they called the match wrong and Roman did not hit the Superman Punch at all. Joe is too quick for that to work. See his reflexes will allow him to block the superman punch and grab Roman's Arm. He will quickly throw Roman to the ground and apply the brutal "Coquina Clutch" Move. Roman will tap out.
Roman 0 Joe 1
That's nice compared to what Joe will do to the following 5 wrestlers. Unlike Roman, I cannot stand any of the following wrestlers.
Samoa Joe vs John Cena
This match will not be close. Joe will rip Cena to Shreds. Joe will kick his ass quite brutally. Tons of kicks and punches. Cena will not be able to block them. Eventually Cena will turn it around and start doing Moves on Joe. For a while it will seem like John is winning. But then comes the AA. The announcers say John will win. But Joe is slippery. He will slip off of John's shoulders and drop to the ground, then immediately swiftly kick Cena in the Nuts! John will fall down. Joe will Jump On top of him and apply the before mentioned Coquina Clutch. Cena Taps Out and Looses. Then (since both Joe and John like rap) Joe will start to break into a rap saying how Cena Sucks and was never a good wrestler and how he should quit wrestling.
Cena 0 Joe 1
Samoa Joe vs King Barrett
King Barrett ripped Samoa Joe in a post on facebook saying how a match between them will end in a bull hammer. What a Dick! He doesn't know he bit off more than he can chew, does he. See barrett is a shitty wrestler who is less than 1/10 the wrestler Joe Is. He will try to use the stupid Bull Hammer Move but Joe will block it, grab his arm, twist his arm till he falls on the floor, Apply the Coquina Clutch and make Barrett Tap out. Then he will kick Barrett in the Nuts. 10 Times in a row to make it so Queen Barrett never wrestles again. BECAUSE HE SUX
Joe 1 Barrett 0 (What does Barrett think he is, a good wrestler, for god's sake his moves solely consist of stomps to legs and arms, that's not wrestling that's heel BS cheating BS!)
Samoa Joe vs the Miz
Prepare for the biggest WWE Ass Whooping ever movie star... HAHAHAH
Samoa Joe will eventually be challenged to wrestle the ridiculously annoying wrestler "the Miz" (what kind of stupid name is that!). Joe will kick Miz's ass. But at first Miz will have the advantage. He will punch Joe and make Joe fall on the ground. Then he will do his stupid arms out hands flickering gesture I hate. But unlike other wrestler cowards (besides AJ Styles anyway) He will jump up immediately and then Kick Miz in the Nuts!
See Joe will be 200% more pissed at Miz than at any other wrestler he kicks in the nuts. This will make Joe Kick with twice the force, making the Miz's Nads Bleed! Bleed Bad. In fact the Miz will be taken to the Hospital. But it's not over. Joe will follow Him there and dress up like a doctor. Then he will say to Miz (with tons of life support needles attached to The Miz's nads) "I am doctor Seanoa, I bust muscles for a living!". Then He will deliver the Muscle Buster 50 times in a row to Miz's butchered body.
The Miz will be now bleeding all over. He will have tons of doctors trying to fix Him. Joe will kick their ass and the cops will come in. Joe will kick their ass too. Then Joe will carry the limp unconscious body to an ambulance, Drive it off a cliff, and roll out of the Ambulance before it reaches the cliff, because he's that damn fast.
Joe 100 Miz 0
Samoa Joe vs Sheamus
Sheamus is a goof with stupid hair. Admit it. And even though his moves are quite good, he is nowhere as good as Joe. Not even close. At some point in their match, Sheamus will try to put Joe in his move where he straps his opponent through the ropes and hits him in the chest. That will happen and Joe will be pissed off. So Pissed off that he will Grab Sheamus's Head from behind and mercilessly toss sheamus over his head, so Sheamus lands on the Curb Below, Busting Him Open.
Sheamus is now in Deep Shit.
Joe will kick sheamus in the wound, and mercilessly throw up on the wound, because he ate a shitty Turkey Sandwitch earlier in the Day! He will then deliver the move that fits him perfectly but isn't used by him, Rikishi's Stinkface! He will then punk out sheamus and say that sheamus should really shower more! Then He will toss Sheamus into the ring and Shave Sheamus's Stupid Hair. It will be like Edge vs Angle's aftermath only this time the Bald wrestler at the end can't wrestle for shit. Then He will Kick Sheamus over and over again, breaking all of his leg bones. Then He will Deliver the Musclebuster and the Coquina Clutch in that order. Sheamus will not tap out. He will reach the ropes. Joe will then kick him in the nuts! Over and Over Again. He will then tap out because of the pain.
Joe 1000 Sheamus -50 (cut your stupid hair!)
Samoa Joe vs the New Day
Eventually the annoying trio of gay guys pretending to be Pro Wrestlers called the new day will annoy the hell out of Joe like they have been with me for years. Joe will come out and say "shut up you are annoying me, one more stupid bootie comment and I am going in there to single handily kick your ass!" They make the bootie comment and then he goes in and there is a match between him and all of the New Day. A 1 on 3 match. But Joe will win it. Easily.
See Joe is immune to the infamous "Unicorn Stampede". The Instant one of them tries to do the stampede, he will jump up, grab the stomping leg, rip it off of them in a rage never seen in the WWE ever. He single handily ripped the leg out of the body! He then will get up and beat them over the head with the leg. Over and over again. This will cause the Fag with the trombone to come in. Joe will take the Trombone from him, beat them over the head with it and then shove it up Big-E's ass because it looks like it could fit in there!
Imagine the "Joe is gonna Kill you" Chants Now!
Then Joe will apply the Coquina Clutch to the now Busted open Big E. Big E will not Tap out. Joe will then stomp him in his neck over and over again. Big E can't move because he has a 2 foot trombone up his ass. Joe will then Musclebust Him. Over and over again. Joe will then Punk them On the Mic. He will say their act sucks. He will then Beat them up horribly. He will then Shave Kofi's Hair and Xavier's Hair because their haircuts suck! Then He will Use Tons of Powerslams to dislodge the bloody Trombone from Big-E's ass and shove it down Kofi's Throat! Kofi will pass out and have to be removed from the arena in an ambulance. This causes Kofi to Quit wrestling forever and the new day is dead as a result. He will win the match by making one of the others tap to the Coquina Clutch. No more new Day. The whole arena thanks Joe (by chanting "Thank you Joe!") for getting rid of the obscenely annoying New Day Gimmick forever! Even though he is a heel he will be famously remembered for this one ass whooping!
Joe 10000 The new Day (their gay!) -1000
My humblest apologies go out to the wrestlers I Just punked out. But hey, some of them deserved it like the New Day (For Being the most annoying tag team ever! I thought Too Cool was bad, these guys make too cool look like Edge and Christian in Comparison! Fuck!) and King Barrett (For trashing Joe in his advertisement for WWE 2K16 - Hey King Barrett! Joe is 1000 times the wrestler you are!)
Monday night raw will not be the same once Samoa Joe Arrives. I predict he will be almost as unstoppable as he was in TNA. The Samoan Submission Machine packs one mean punch (and kick) and the whole WWE Roster better watch out or else they will be in deep doo-doo.
I can say with 100% certainty that the following wrestlers will get ripped to shreds by Joe. The following wrestlers don't stand any chance of beating Joe at his game. It will not be pretty for fanboys/girls of these wrestlers. They will weep in agony as their hero falls to the Samoan Submission Machine!
The following matches I will predict the outcome to.
Samoa Joe vs Roman Reigns:
Even though I am a huge Roman Reigns fan (hate it all you want!), I don't see Joe losing to him whatsoever. Reigns is nowhere near as good as Joe. Nor is Ambrose. The match will probably go back in forth like most Matches but at the end Reigns will apply his "Superman Punch" Finisher on Joe. The announcer will scream "SUPERMAN PUNCH!". But by the time they scream it they will realize they called the match wrong and Roman did not hit the Superman Punch at all. Joe is too quick for that to work. See his reflexes will allow him to block the superman punch and grab Roman's Arm. He will quickly throw Roman to the ground and apply the brutal "Coquina Clutch" Move. Roman will tap out.
Roman 0 Joe 1
That's nice compared to what Joe will do to the following 5 wrestlers. Unlike Roman, I cannot stand any of the following wrestlers.
Samoa Joe vs John Cena
This match will not be close. Joe will rip Cena to Shreds. Joe will kick his ass quite brutally. Tons of kicks and punches. Cena will not be able to block them. Eventually Cena will turn it around and start doing Moves on Joe. For a while it will seem like John is winning. But then comes the AA. The announcers say John will win. But Joe is slippery. He will slip off of John's shoulders and drop to the ground, then immediately swiftly kick Cena in the Nuts! John will fall down. Joe will Jump On top of him and apply the before mentioned Coquina Clutch. Cena Taps Out and Looses. Then (since both Joe and John like rap) Joe will start to break into a rap saying how Cena Sucks and was never a good wrestler and how he should quit wrestling.
Cena 0 Joe 1
Samoa Joe vs King Barrett
King Barrett ripped Samoa Joe in a post on facebook saying how a match between them will end in a bull hammer. What a Dick! He doesn't know he bit off more than he can chew, does he. See barrett is a shitty wrestler who is less than 1/10 the wrestler Joe Is. He will try to use the stupid Bull Hammer Move but Joe will block it, grab his arm, twist his arm till he falls on the floor, Apply the Coquina Clutch and make Barrett Tap out. Then he will kick Barrett in the Nuts. 10 Times in a row to make it so Queen Barrett never wrestles again. BECAUSE HE SUX
Joe 1 Barrett 0 (What does Barrett think he is, a good wrestler, for god's sake his moves solely consist of stomps to legs and arms, that's not wrestling that's heel BS cheating BS!)
Samoa Joe vs the Miz
Prepare for the biggest WWE Ass Whooping ever movie star... HAHAHAH
Samoa Joe will eventually be challenged to wrestle the ridiculously annoying wrestler "the Miz" (what kind of stupid name is that!). Joe will kick Miz's ass. But at first Miz will have the advantage. He will punch Joe and make Joe fall on the ground. Then he will do his stupid arms out hands flickering gesture I hate. But unlike other wrestler cowards (besides AJ Styles anyway) He will jump up immediately and then Kick Miz in the Nuts!
See Joe will be 200% more pissed at Miz than at any other wrestler he kicks in the nuts. This will make Joe Kick with twice the force, making the Miz's Nads Bleed! Bleed Bad. In fact the Miz will be taken to the Hospital. But it's not over. Joe will follow Him there and dress up like a doctor. Then he will say to Miz (with tons of life support needles attached to The Miz's nads) "I am doctor Seanoa, I bust muscles for a living!". Then He will deliver the Muscle Buster 50 times in a row to Miz's butchered body.
The Miz will be now bleeding all over. He will have tons of doctors trying to fix Him. Joe will kick their ass and the cops will come in. Joe will kick their ass too. Then Joe will carry the limp unconscious body to an ambulance, Drive it off a cliff, and roll out of the Ambulance before it reaches the cliff, because he's that damn fast.
Joe 100 Miz 0
Samoa Joe vs Sheamus
Sheamus is a goof with stupid hair. Admit it. And even though his moves are quite good, he is nowhere as good as Joe. Not even close. At some point in their match, Sheamus will try to put Joe in his move where he straps his opponent through the ropes and hits him in the chest. That will happen and Joe will be pissed off. So Pissed off that he will Grab Sheamus's Head from behind and mercilessly toss sheamus over his head, so Sheamus lands on the Curb Below, Busting Him Open.
Sheamus is now in Deep Shit.
Joe will kick sheamus in the wound, and mercilessly throw up on the wound, because he ate a shitty Turkey Sandwitch earlier in the Day! He will then deliver the move that fits him perfectly but isn't used by him, Rikishi's Stinkface! He will then punk out sheamus and say that sheamus should really shower more! Then He will toss Sheamus into the ring and Shave Sheamus's Stupid Hair. It will be like Edge vs Angle's aftermath only this time the Bald wrestler at the end can't wrestle for shit. Then He will Kick Sheamus over and over again, breaking all of his leg bones. Then He will Deliver the Musclebuster and the Coquina Clutch in that order. Sheamus will not tap out. He will reach the ropes. Joe will then kick him in the nuts! Over and Over Again. He will then tap out because of the pain.
Joe 1000 Sheamus -50 (cut your stupid hair!)
Samoa Joe vs the New Day
Eventually the annoying trio of gay guys pretending to be Pro Wrestlers called the new day will annoy the hell out of Joe like they have been with me for years. Joe will come out and say "shut up you are annoying me, one more stupid bootie comment and I am going in there to single handily kick your ass!" They make the bootie comment and then he goes in and there is a match between him and all of the New Day. A 1 on 3 match. But Joe will win it. Easily.
See Joe is immune to the infamous "Unicorn Stampede". The Instant one of them tries to do the stampede, he will jump up, grab the stomping leg, rip it off of them in a rage never seen in the WWE ever. He single handily ripped the leg out of the body! He then will get up and beat them over the head with the leg. Over and over again. This will cause the Fag with the trombone to come in. Joe will take the Trombone from him, beat them over the head with it and then shove it up Big-E's ass because it looks like it could fit in there!
Imagine the "Joe is gonna Kill you" Chants Now!
Then Joe will apply the Coquina Clutch to the now Busted open Big E. Big E will not Tap out. Joe will then stomp him in his neck over and over again. Big E can't move because he has a 2 foot trombone up his ass. Joe will then Musclebust Him. Over and over again. Joe will then Punk them On the Mic. He will say their act sucks. He will then Beat them up horribly. He will then Shave Kofi's Hair and Xavier's Hair because their haircuts suck! Then He will Use Tons of Powerslams to dislodge the bloody Trombone from Big-E's ass and shove it down Kofi's Throat! Kofi will pass out and have to be removed from the arena in an ambulance. This causes Kofi to Quit wrestling forever and the new day is dead as a result. He will win the match by making one of the others tap to the Coquina Clutch. No more new Day. The whole arena thanks Joe (by chanting "Thank you Joe!") for getting rid of the obscenely annoying New Day Gimmick forever! Even though he is a heel he will be famously remembered for this one ass whooping!
Joe 10000 The new Day (their gay!) -1000
My humblest apologies go out to the wrestlers I Just punked out. But hey, some of them deserved it like the New Day (For Being the most annoying tag team ever! I thought Too Cool was bad, these guys make too cool look like Edge and Christian in Comparison! Fuck!) and King Barrett (For trashing Joe in his advertisement for WWE 2K16 - Hey King Barrett! Joe is 1000 times the wrestler you are!)
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
In The WWF No Mercy N64 Game the Tag team of Me and Samoa Joe rip apart the New Day!
Video games are fun. Especially Wrestling ones. Recently I was able to get WWF No Mercy for my N64. It is perhaps the best wrestling game ever. And since it roster lacked really good wrestlers I created several great ones from WWE, NXT, TNA, and other sources. (A full list is at the bottom of the page). I started by creating who I think is the best wrestler ever, Bret Hart. I used CAW Guides for him and moveset guides on the Internet to help me. I then had to make my favorite wrestler wrestling today, Samoa Joe as well.
I then made a wrestler based on me loosely, named the Executioner. I am not anywhere near athlete form in real life. But I always start every sports game I play by making me in it. I then created lots of other great wrestlers from WWE, TNA and NXT as well. The movesets of these wrestlers are not 100% accurate to the real wrestlers but is close at least. Some finishers and moves couldn't be done so I had to improvise and chose something close but not exactly the same.
I only did CPU vs CPU matches in the game. I didn't control any wrestler. The result in the matches and the wrestlers actions were beyond my control, that's what made the below events amazing. I setup a set of tag teams that would compete in a tag team tournament. Me and Joe were one, I called our team Destruction INC.
Destruction INC's first test was a tag team tournament, with the first match against the New Day. I don't like the new day at all. I wanted someone to beat them bad. So I hoped Destruction INC could beat them. But the match didn't start great. Executioner and Joe were getting beat up bad. The new day were winning. But then near the end of the 38 minute match something amazing happened. Joe started to really do well. He single handily started to rip The New Day to shreds. He was stomping Big E in the neck with his awesome Foot driven Neck Crush move. Big E couldn't stop Joe for the life of him. Right then I started to get really cocky and I started to chant "Joe is gonna kill you!" over and over again. And then Joe put Big E in the Muscle Buster. And then he won the match for Destruction INC. I chanted "YES!" at the top of my lungs. It was awesome. We had eliminated the most annoying tag team in WWE History and Joe did it all by himself!
We went on to totally annihilate two other teams of great wrestlers, and Joe came up big in all 3 matches. The second match against Y2J and AJ Styles. The Third one against Kevin Owens and Bret Hart. In the first one we barely were doing anything but then Joe comes up huge and destroys AJ Single handily and wins the match.
In the final match, Owens ripped us to shreds. He kicked me in the Nuts 2 times. He then busted open Joe in the head and the chest. Despite those two things I managed to defeat and Pin Bret Hart. And at that time Joe came into the ring to stop Owens from breaking up the pin, he Clocked Owens in the head knocking him over.
It was fun as hell. I think I had more fun watching the matches then raw and fastline combined!
I may do wrestling matches on my youtube channel eventually. Probably singles matches. They take less time than tag matches in the game.
Wrestlers I made:
Bret Hart
Samoa Joe
The Executioner
Brock Lesnar
AJ Styles
The Big Show
Finn Balor
Rob Van Dam
Alberto Del Rio
Kevin Owens
Roman Reigns
Daniel Bryan
Dolph Ziggler
Christopher Daniels
Rhyno
Dean Ambrose
Kofi Kingston
Big E
Wrestlers I created by ended up replacing them with others due to the 18 created wrestler limit:
Randy Orton
CM Punk (I regret replacing him with someone else, I am a Huge CM Punk Fan)
Ric Flair
Roddy Piper
Rey Mysterio (came out bad)
Bray Wyatt (came out bad, no giant beard options)
Braun Strowman (Came out bad, no giant beard options)
I then made a wrestler based on me loosely, named the Executioner. I am not anywhere near athlete form in real life. But I always start every sports game I play by making me in it. I then created lots of other great wrestlers from WWE, TNA and NXT as well. The movesets of these wrestlers are not 100% accurate to the real wrestlers but is close at least. Some finishers and moves couldn't be done so I had to improvise and chose something close but not exactly the same.
I only did CPU vs CPU matches in the game. I didn't control any wrestler. The result in the matches and the wrestlers actions were beyond my control, that's what made the below events amazing. I setup a set of tag teams that would compete in a tag team tournament. Me and Joe were one, I called our team Destruction INC.
Destruction INC's first test was a tag team tournament, with the first match against the New Day. I don't like the new day at all. I wanted someone to beat them bad. So I hoped Destruction INC could beat them. But the match didn't start great. Executioner and Joe were getting beat up bad. The new day were winning. But then near the end of the 38 minute match something amazing happened. Joe started to really do well. He single handily started to rip The New Day to shreds. He was stomping Big E in the neck with his awesome Foot driven Neck Crush move. Big E couldn't stop Joe for the life of him. Right then I started to get really cocky and I started to chant "Joe is gonna kill you!" over and over again. And then Joe put Big E in the Muscle Buster. And then he won the match for Destruction INC. I chanted "YES!" at the top of my lungs. It was awesome. We had eliminated the most annoying tag team in WWE History and Joe did it all by himself!
We went on to totally annihilate two other teams of great wrestlers, and Joe came up big in all 3 matches. The second match against Y2J and AJ Styles. The Third one against Kevin Owens and Bret Hart. In the first one we barely were doing anything but then Joe comes up huge and destroys AJ Single handily and wins the match.
In the final match, Owens ripped us to shreds. He kicked me in the Nuts 2 times. He then busted open Joe in the head and the chest. Despite those two things I managed to defeat and Pin Bret Hart. And at that time Joe came into the ring to stop Owens from breaking up the pin, he Clocked Owens in the head knocking him over.
It was fun as hell. I think I had more fun watching the matches then raw and fastline combined!
I may do wrestling matches on my youtube channel eventually. Probably singles matches. They take less time than tag matches in the game.
Wrestlers I made:
Bret Hart
Samoa Joe
The Executioner
Brock Lesnar
AJ Styles
The Big Show
Finn Balor
Rob Van Dam
Alberto Del Rio
Kevin Owens
Roman Reigns
Daniel Bryan
Dolph Ziggler
Christopher Daniels
Rhyno
Dean Ambrose
Kofi Kingston
Big E
Wrestlers I created by ended up replacing them with others due to the 18 created wrestler limit:
Randy Orton
CM Punk (I regret replacing him with someone else, I am a Huge CM Punk Fan)
Ric Flair
Roddy Piper
Rey Mysterio (came out bad)
Bray Wyatt (came out bad, no giant beard options)
Braun Strowman (Came out bad, no giant beard options)
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